Rantings

This has nothing to do with my weight, my body-nothing!!! Just sitting here at 1 am, and there is no one to talk to....just like every day...lol :)

I don't know why I have a blog-I have the best of intentions-but then when I feel like putting something out there I figure "who wants to hear me?"

So, at least for today-I am just going to say what is on my mind-look out everyone!!

I am a stay at home Mom, which has become more, or less, interesting since last Fall. My youngest started school in grade 1. So, I should really get a job right? But the crazy thing is, that I have even less time than I used to. Don't ask me how it happens, because I have no clue-it's like some bizarre time shift that occurs and my house is less clean, and I run around and feel more confused every day.

And now, I have a teenager......

Don't get me wrong, she has been displaying all of the signs for quite a while now without the 'teen' on her age. But now, it is official-I am about to go grey :) and become a raging alcoholic-lol

Though if you know me, you know that is not the case. I will become more patient, more strict, more forgiving...and less organized. I will do what I do...anything and everything for my kids. Even if that means she has to hate me for awhile. My son is close on her heals too....I thought boys were later, but at 11 he shows all of the signs of becoming a teenager. He mopes, he mumbles and he rolls his eyes.

One thing I know for sure is that God never gives you more than you can handle-so thank you for giving me moody teenagers with hearts of gold, who are underneath all of that bravado, loving, caring, amazing developing people. I am grateful everyday for all three of my amazing little adults in training-they complete me, center me and make me  better person every day.

And thank you for my husband-for leading me to someone who makes me laugh and loves me not in spite of my faults, but because of them.Who stands beside me and takes care off me when I need it-and lets me take care of him when I need that.

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering-I have kept off all of the weight I lost last year-to the pound. 1 full year and I am exactly where I was. I am pretty proud of myself. There are days I wish it was more, but I have to stop and get perspective. Every day is an accomplishment.

And soon, I will have more to celebrate....but that's another day. Now, I must sleep....you don't keep looking as fabulous as I do with no shut eye-lol. ( just more proof that stay at home Mom's are delusional!!!!)

Stay GOLD!!!!

J

The dreaded Plateaux....

This post was actually started on Feb 2nd, and that was the last time I looked at my BLOG. But I am posting it now, even with the incompleteness of it all, because it may help someone to know that I was struggling.


I swore I would put up the good, the bad, and the ugly-but when I rant I tend to just walk away, because I don't want anyone to know I am weak.....so here it is-

"Well, it has hit me. The Plateau-and at the worst time ever :) of course!!!

1 week left in the competition, and I have been stuck at the same weight for almost a month. Granted, being laid up with the flu last week and then throwing out my back this past weekend is not making it easier-or my curse....

But not only that I am struggling with something that I know has always been in issue for me. While most "failures" fight a demon called : FEAR OF FAILURE, my affliction is completely on the opposite end of the scale. I suffer from a rare form of the disorder: FEAR OF SUCCESS.

Now I know you are saying " That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of!!!" but it is the closest I can come to explaining myself. I cannot think of a single thing in my life that I have ever done well. I screwed up a perfectly normal school career in the last 2 months-who does that? 13 years of school, achieving high marks, and I flunk out in the last 2 months?

I am a terrible housekeeper, because I can never seem to 'finish' anything-I just move on to the next. I couldn't even deliver babies-3 c-sections. ( Okay-so I REALLY had no control over that!!!)

I do really well-especially in weight loss, until someone says " You look awesome" or " I am so proud of you" Why is that?

I hear all the time how smart I am, how wonderful I am...I know on a conscious level that I have worth. But the fact is that on a sub-conscious level, I truly don't feel I deserve it.

So, while I want people to have faith in me, and see me for my finer points, I constantly sabotage everything so that people will expect less of me...only as much as I expect of myself..."

Here I am more than a month later, and I still don't have all of the answers-but everyday I realize I DO have worth, not just to those around me, but to myself as well.


I ended up coming in 3rd in the competition for a total loss during the Biggest Loser of 28lbs. I have maitainted the loss for over a month, and even managed at one point to lose another 2lbs-which put me at a grand total since July of 42lbs.


Now, that 2 is back, my vacation is over and it is time to make myself a priority in my own life again. Obviously, I didn't forget myself this time, otherwise the gain would be more significant.


Monday, it is time to start keeping track again! And, to start training for that 5k!!!


My goal is to be in the 150's by the first weekend in April. Feel free to send me an email to kick my @$$!!! jlearn72@gmail.com


Remember... everyday is a journey. Everyday is a gift-live your best life. You are worth it :)


J

The "SECRET" of my success...

I figured that since I am still unable to use my legs-not kidding they HURT-and they have delayed Mom's discharge from the hospital, that today was a good day for another post:)

All around me, friends and family are trying to lose weight. And everyone seems to have some sort of gimmick. Don't get me wrong, I think everything needs to do what works for them, but I think that the only way to make "living leaner and healthier" a permanent part of your life is to make changes that you can live with for the rest of your life. 

Losing weight and living healthy is not a concept new to me. I have tried dozens of ways and methods over the years, and obviously none of them worked-permanently. 9 years ago, I was on weight watchers and I lost about 40lbs in 6 months or so-but it took less than that to gain it all back-plus a few bonus lbs. I tried the low/no carb diet once-but was in the hospital by day 3( that was the first time we knew something was wrong with my liver). I've done supplements, teas, cleanses-you name it I have tried it. I knew I wasn't over eating-sure maybe not always well, but NEVER too much!! And every time I added exercise to the mix, my weight would climb again.  

So I thought that maybe, just maybe, this was who I was supposed to be. Except the doctors kept telling me I was wrong-I had to lose weight if I wanted to live.

I made excuses "Nothing works" " I have no time" "My ankle hurts" 

A few years ago, I became almost obsessed with what I was feeding my family. I started using organic whenever possible, changed to grass-fed beef and made everything from scratch. So, I was preaching to my kids about eating healthy when I obviously wasn't-what kind of message was I sending them?

Plus I was struggling with the whole FAT idea. I didn't want my kids thinking I wanted to lose weight to fit into a mold of what someone though I should look like. I didn't want them to think that their bodies defined them. I told them I wasn't trying to get skinnier, I was trying to get healthier-you just couldn't tell to look at me ;)

So, back in June my Doctor told me she was sending me to a dietitian. I thought why not-really what is she going to tell me that I don't already know? Eat less-move more. We all know the rules right? So, I made the appointment-and re-scheduled-my daughter had something that day and that was more important...right? 

Finally in September, I made it to see her and I walked in there knowing what she was going to tell me. 

I was skeptical...but I am going to tell you exactly what we have been doing together for 4 months. I see her once a month. I lost 6 lbs in the first 4 weeks-without exercise. So, prepare yourself for the weight loss program that will rock your world.....

• First I was to write everything down-EVERYTHING-that I put in my mouth. I did this for the first week without making any of the changes she recommended, just to see exactly how I was eating.
• Follow the Canada Food Guide-I KNOW-so simple!! What? Don't I have to eat low carb? High protein? Low fat?
• Eat a minimum of 3 food groups at every meal
• MOVE MORE!!!

After the first week of "journaling" I knew why I was failing. I was not eating enough AND I was eating the wrong things! I was starving myself so I had shut down my metabolism. So, I started eating 2 servings of grains at every main meal ( 2 slices of Whole Grain Bread, 1 cup of pasta/rice, 2 svgs of cereal-though NOTHING white. NOTHING!) I started having snacks. I started eating 6 fruits and vegetables. I was eating more than I ever did. And, the weight was coming off.

I eat everything-in moderation. I ate turkey dinner at Christmas-even some sweets. I had a drink or 2 ( or 6 one night-tee hee) I don't deprive myself of anything-if I want chocolate I eat it, just one serving.

Now I eat consciously-I am aware of everything I put into my body, and that it is fuel. And I still LOVE food... good food that is.

I only eat real food. No lite products-no diet colas-no margarine. Real food-just not as much. Do you know what my favorite salad dressing is? Extra virgin olive oil and salt and pepper-I just use about a teaspoon and it is SO yummy on fresh greens.

I stay away from juice and pop-and drink lots of tea and water(9 glasses/day). I have 3 servings of milk products every day-mmmmmm cheese.

I don't obsess-I just know what a 'serving' is now. I eat on a 9 inch plate, and fill my plate 1/2 with veggies, 1/4 protein and 1/4 grains. 

And unlike many others I know who are trying one diet or another, I am never hungry and I never say"This is killing me-I don't know how long I can keep this up"

I know I will do this the rest of my life. This is not a diet-this is my life!! 

Did you know that you body will give you exactly what you give it?? So, if you sit on the couch all day is it surprising that you have no energy? If you fill your body up with fake foods and sugar all day is it surprising that you feel sluggish??

So, here is my challenge to you. Write down everything you eat every day for one week. Don't change anything, just write it down. And then look it over and tell me how you think you did. Simple.

And now that I have rambled on and on ;) I will sign off-for now. I am going to try to post everyday with a little bit of helpful information on how to figure out what a serving size is, how many servings you should have and even some recipes. If you have anything you would like to share, I would love to hear from you!

Have a fabulous weekend and remember to " Live your best life!!" Oprah

xoxoxoxo

                    

Okay-so this is why I don't have a blog!!!

Seriously, where has the time gone???

The Biggest Loser is in the home stretch and we have 4 weeks left-phew!! What a journey this has been. Officially, I have now lost 21 lbs in about 9 weeks-which puts me at almost 11% and currently in the lead-though believe me, I do have competition.

Since I started, I have gone through so many phases-many of which have not been great and at the time I was feeling so vulnerable I was not comfortable talking-hence the silence :)

Physically and weight-wise the whole experience has been nothing but positive-I have lost weight every week. With the exception of the first weigh in, I have lost 2 lbs/week-even through the holidays and THAT feels so good!

Emotionally, it has been quite a roller-coaster. I am finally finding myself again-because this really is who I am. But I didn't expect every emotion to be so raw. I cry at commercials-something which hasn't happened in years and years. I think being on anti-depressants for so long all of my feelings were buried so deep they were inaccessible. And now they seem to always be on the surface, waiting for me.

Around the 2 week mark, it was anger that was always there waiting for me. I was angry at my kids, my husband-everyone. No one was living up to my expectations of what I thought they should be doing for me-and for themselves. Then I realized-I had to let them know what I needed, what my expectations were, and I wasn't. I was turning this positive experience into a negative feeling all around.

So, I had to look into myself and find stores of patience that I did not know existed and voice myself more clearly and kindly. I had to ask for the help, not demand it. And I had to realize that this was not just a big change for me, but for the whole family as well.

I have realized that I truly am the centre of this family. If I am frazzled-everyone is. If I am calm, they all follow my lead.

It's by no means perfect-that is an unattainable goal, but it is getting better. I know there are many challenges ahead, but I am stronger than ever so I know I can handle them-one step at a time.

Now, all being well, I plan to post again tomorrow to maybe let you know HOW  I am doing this-so stay tuned!!

Thanks for checking in and I will end with a quote I found the other day-and LOVE it :) Keep taking those step!!

‎"If I'm loved and love, it is not possible to fail. Legacy is not written in achievements or accolades, it's written in those we love. That's all we take with us and all we leave behind. We are not alone and faith and friendship are the ultimate "Why not?" They can power anything."
Debs Gardner-Paterson, Director 'Africa United'

Jodi

SOOOOOOOO tired!!

So, Wednesday was the first weigh in, and I was 195lbs. Do you have any idea how painful that is to say out loud!!!??? Wow....

But I digress....that evening, we also did our first spin class. It wasn't so bad-especially when I discovered I had the tension almost on full...THAT was why I thought I was dying :) Once that was dealt with, I did quite well if I do say so myself, and so did my partner Kerrey. She admits that her legs are her weakest area, but she pushed through and I am so proud of her!!

Thursday, we went to United Cycle to be outfitted with our work-out gear, which consisted of sweat pants made for a giant ( not kidding-the waist band is above my chest!!!) and out Team colours. Kerrey and I are the Green team-Go Team Green!! And of course, we got brand new shoes-and though I wasn't sure at first, they are fabulous-I didn't feel my feet at all during our first foray into exercise classes....

...at 6am Friday morning. We completed the RUSH class at World Health Club-we thought it looked good...on paper! We walked in there and the couple of the other students were talking to us and told us it was the hardest class...eeeek!! Weights, and abs, and cardio and lunges, and lunges, and lunges......and left there feeling superb!! Invigorated!! Ready to take on the world...though admittedly, a little sick to my stomach-lol.

Later that day, I hopped on my bike with my youngest on the Tandem behind and off we went-again!!! And I still felt great....and then 9 pm hit, and slowly I could feel those muscles starting to ache. No big deal! I took a bath-a long hot one :) And I slept like a log...

After hockey this morning I met Kerrey at the off leash area and we went for a walk, just to keep ourselves moving so we didn't get too sore.

Now, it hurts to sit, it hurts to cough, it hurts to stand and I think I could sleep standing up-but I haven't felt this good in years! My back doesn't hurt. My hip doesn't hurt. My ANKLE doesn't hurt, and I haven't been able to say that in over a decade.

Tomorrow morning, Kerrey and I are doing a Yoga class to work out some of these kinks and then Monday I get to meet with my trainer...YAY!!!

Why didn't I do this on my own years ago??? My husband is being so wonderful-he made me a nice , low fat dinner and has stepped up so much in the last few days. He tells me everyday how proud of me he is and how much he loves me. I think maybe he is glad to have me back :)

My floors need sweeping, but it doesn't make me angry-they aren't going anywhere!!

So, now it is time to cuddle up with my hubby and kids on the couch and watch a movie. I think I've earned it.

" To have what you have never had, you have to do what you have never done"

xoxoxo

Welcome!

Well, today for me is day 3 of my journey. Earlier this week, I was chosen to participate in a local radio stations "Biggest Loser Challenge". This could not have come at a better time for me, as I was already taking the steps to make a change in my life-for the better.

I have been a stay-at-home Mom for almost 12 years to my wonderful children, and don't get me wrong, I love it and wouldn't change it for the world. But somehow along the way, I lost who Jodi was and forgot to make her a priority in my life. With each child I gained a little bit more weight, and at some point it didn't seem to matter any more. So, basically I was saying I didn't matter.

Three years ago I began seeing a specialist for "Non-alcoholic fatty Liver Syndrome", which means I have fatty deposits on my liver so it is sick. Every 6 months I go and see him and he tells me to lose weight before it turns into sirossis. So, off I would go, armed with the knowledge that "today" would be the day that I made a change.......and dance lessons, soccer, dirty floors and laundry would get in the way. And I would let it, because it was my job to take care of my family! I constantly put myself at the bottom of the list-and I allowed everyone around me to do the same.

So, I continued in the same cycle, allowing myself to not be a priority in my own life. Then not too long ago, my Mom told me I had to take care of me-because if I didn't, I wouldn't be there to take care of 'them'. " It's time to put yourself first".

Now, I don't know what cosmic shift was occurring at that moment, but I got it. I "heard" her. I am the most important person in my life. I am worth it. Me-yes me!!! Years and years of anti-depressants and now that I am off of them, I have finally found ME!!!!

I can't tell you exactly when I had this conversation with my Mom, but within days she called me to tell me about the "Biggest Loser" on EZ Rock so I signed up, hit Facebook and my email and told everyone I knew to vote for me. And lo and behold, I got in!! I have a partner Kerrey, and we are both in the same place in our lives, and equally driven. Everything seems to be falling into place. I have even been seeing a dietitian for 6 weeks and successfully lost 6lbs in a month without the exercise, so I know I am on a roll.

Do I wish I had come to this realization 3 years ago that I have to be a priority in my own life? Maybe, but I truly believe that maybe this is the road I had to take. I could have lost weight 5 times over, but I would still have been the unhappy, lost woman inside-just not hiding behind "fat" pants.

I am so happy right now, and that is not something I have felt in my soul for so long. And I am discovering I missed me.  The woman my husband fell in love with and married-she still exists and she is worth fighting for.

Now, I have had moments where I stop and worry about my family. Will they survive? Of course they will! In fact I am sure we will be a stronger family, because how can any of them have any respect for me when I have not had any for myself? They will grow right along side me, because as I continue on this journey I will always walk beside them and support them, but I will no longer hide behind them. I will no longer do everything for them, they will start to do for themselves.

I am still a stay-at-home Mom. I still do dishes twice a day. I still make meals at least twice a day. I still do more laundry than should be allowed by law. But now, I don't face every day with dread :) I make time for me, to take care of Jodi and the things that keep her happy and healthy.

A few weeks ago, I went on a "Girls Weekend" with a group of some of the most amazing ladies I know. I gave myself permission to take that time for me. While shopping I found a beautiful eternity bracelet that I wear now, it just seemed to call to me....." The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

And baby, I am just getting started....

xoxoxo