The dreaded Plateaux....

This post was actually started on Feb 2nd, and that was the last time I looked at my BLOG. But I am posting it now, even with the incompleteness of it all, because it may help someone to know that I was struggling.


I swore I would put up the good, the bad, and the ugly-but when I rant I tend to just walk away, because I don't want anyone to know I am weak.....so here it is-

"Well, it has hit me. The Plateau-and at the worst time ever :) of course!!!

1 week left in the competition, and I have been stuck at the same weight for almost a month. Granted, being laid up with the flu last week and then throwing out my back this past weekend is not making it easier-or my curse....

But not only that I am struggling with something that I know has always been in issue for me. While most "failures" fight a demon called : FEAR OF FAILURE, my affliction is completely on the opposite end of the scale. I suffer from a rare form of the disorder: FEAR OF SUCCESS.

Now I know you are saying " That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of!!!" but it is the closest I can come to explaining myself. I cannot think of a single thing in my life that I have ever done well. I screwed up a perfectly normal school career in the last 2 months-who does that? 13 years of school, achieving high marks, and I flunk out in the last 2 months?

I am a terrible housekeeper, because I can never seem to 'finish' anything-I just move on to the next. I couldn't even deliver babies-3 c-sections. ( Okay-so I REALLY had no control over that!!!)

I do really well-especially in weight loss, until someone says " You look awesome" or " I am so proud of you" Why is that?

I hear all the time how smart I am, how wonderful I am...I know on a conscious level that I have worth. But the fact is that on a sub-conscious level, I truly don't feel I deserve it.

So, while I want people to have faith in me, and see me for my finer points, I constantly sabotage everything so that people will expect less of me...only as much as I expect of myself..."

Here I am more than a month later, and I still don't have all of the answers-but everyday I realize I DO have worth, not just to those around me, but to myself as well.


I ended up coming in 3rd in the competition for a total loss during the Biggest Loser of 28lbs. I have maitainted the loss for over a month, and even managed at one point to lose another 2lbs-which put me at a grand total since July of 42lbs.


Now, that 2 is back, my vacation is over and it is time to make myself a priority in my own life again. Obviously, I didn't forget myself this time, otherwise the gain would be more significant.


Monday, it is time to start keeping track again! And, to start training for that 5k!!!


My goal is to be in the 150's by the first weekend in April. Feel free to send me an email to kick my @$$!!! jlearn72@gmail.com


Remember... everyday is a journey. Everyday is a gift-live your best life. You are worth it :)


J

The "SECRET" of my success...

I figured that since I am still unable to use my legs-not kidding they HURT-and they have delayed Mom's discharge from the hospital, that today was a good day for another post:)

All around me, friends and family are trying to lose weight. And everyone seems to have some sort of gimmick. Don't get me wrong, I think everything needs to do what works for them, but I think that the only way to make "living leaner and healthier" a permanent part of your life is to make changes that you can live with for the rest of your life. 

Losing weight and living healthy is not a concept new to me. I have tried dozens of ways and methods over the years, and obviously none of them worked-permanently. 9 years ago, I was on weight watchers and I lost about 40lbs in 6 months or so-but it took less than that to gain it all back-plus a few bonus lbs. I tried the low/no carb diet once-but was in the hospital by day 3( that was the first time we knew something was wrong with my liver). I've done supplements, teas, cleanses-you name it I have tried it. I knew I wasn't over eating-sure maybe not always well, but NEVER too much!! And every time I added exercise to the mix, my weight would climb again.  

So I thought that maybe, just maybe, this was who I was supposed to be. Except the doctors kept telling me I was wrong-I had to lose weight if I wanted to live.

I made excuses "Nothing works" " I have no time" "My ankle hurts" 

A few years ago, I became almost obsessed with what I was feeding my family. I started using organic whenever possible, changed to grass-fed beef and made everything from scratch. So, I was preaching to my kids about eating healthy when I obviously wasn't-what kind of message was I sending them?

Plus I was struggling with the whole FAT idea. I didn't want my kids thinking I wanted to lose weight to fit into a mold of what someone though I should look like. I didn't want them to think that their bodies defined them. I told them I wasn't trying to get skinnier, I was trying to get healthier-you just couldn't tell to look at me ;)

So, back in June my Doctor told me she was sending me to a dietitian. I thought why not-really what is she going to tell me that I don't already know? Eat less-move more. We all know the rules right? So, I made the appointment-and re-scheduled-my daughter had something that day and that was more important...right? 

Finally in September, I made it to see her and I walked in there knowing what she was going to tell me. 

I was skeptical...but I am going to tell you exactly what we have been doing together for 4 months. I see her once a month. I lost 6 lbs in the first 4 weeks-without exercise. So, prepare yourself for the weight loss program that will rock your world.....

• First I was to write everything down-EVERYTHING-that I put in my mouth. I did this for the first week without making any of the changes she recommended, just to see exactly how I was eating.
• Follow the Canada Food Guide-I KNOW-so simple!! What? Don't I have to eat low carb? High protein? Low fat?
• Eat a minimum of 3 food groups at every meal
• MOVE MORE!!!

After the first week of "journaling" I knew why I was failing. I was not eating enough AND I was eating the wrong things! I was starving myself so I had shut down my metabolism. So, I started eating 2 servings of grains at every main meal ( 2 slices of Whole Grain Bread, 1 cup of pasta/rice, 2 svgs of cereal-though NOTHING white. NOTHING!) I started having snacks. I started eating 6 fruits and vegetables. I was eating more than I ever did. And, the weight was coming off.

I eat everything-in moderation. I ate turkey dinner at Christmas-even some sweets. I had a drink or 2 ( or 6 one night-tee hee) I don't deprive myself of anything-if I want chocolate I eat it, just one serving.

Now I eat consciously-I am aware of everything I put into my body, and that it is fuel. And I still LOVE food... good food that is.

I only eat real food. No lite products-no diet colas-no margarine. Real food-just not as much. Do you know what my favorite salad dressing is? Extra virgin olive oil and salt and pepper-I just use about a teaspoon and it is SO yummy on fresh greens.

I stay away from juice and pop-and drink lots of tea and water(9 glasses/day). I have 3 servings of milk products every day-mmmmmm cheese.

I don't obsess-I just know what a 'serving' is now. I eat on a 9 inch plate, and fill my plate 1/2 with veggies, 1/4 protein and 1/4 grains. 

And unlike many others I know who are trying one diet or another, I am never hungry and I never say"This is killing me-I don't know how long I can keep this up"

I know I will do this the rest of my life. This is not a diet-this is my life!! 

Did you know that you body will give you exactly what you give it?? So, if you sit on the couch all day is it surprising that you have no energy? If you fill your body up with fake foods and sugar all day is it surprising that you feel sluggish??

So, here is my challenge to you. Write down everything you eat every day for one week. Don't change anything, just write it down. And then look it over and tell me how you think you did. Simple.

And now that I have rambled on and on ;) I will sign off-for now. I am going to try to post everyday with a little bit of helpful information on how to figure out what a serving size is, how many servings you should have and even some recipes. If you have anything you would like to share, I would love to hear from you!

Have a fabulous weekend and remember to " Live your best life!!" Oprah

xoxoxoxo

                    

Okay-so this is why I don't have a blog!!!

Seriously, where has the time gone???

The Biggest Loser is in the home stretch and we have 4 weeks left-phew!! What a journey this has been. Officially, I have now lost 21 lbs in about 9 weeks-which puts me at almost 11% and currently in the lead-though believe me, I do have competition.

Since I started, I have gone through so many phases-many of which have not been great and at the time I was feeling so vulnerable I was not comfortable talking-hence the silence :)

Physically and weight-wise the whole experience has been nothing but positive-I have lost weight every week. With the exception of the first weigh in, I have lost 2 lbs/week-even through the holidays and THAT feels so good!

Emotionally, it has been quite a roller-coaster. I am finally finding myself again-because this really is who I am. But I didn't expect every emotion to be so raw. I cry at commercials-something which hasn't happened in years and years. I think being on anti-depressants for so long all of my feelings were buried so deep they were inaccessible. And now they seem to always be on the surface, waiting for me.

Around the 2 week mark, it was anger that was always there waiting for me. I was angry at my kids, my husband-everyone. No one was living up to my expectations of what I thought they should be doing for me-and for themselves. Then I realized-I had to let them know what I needed, what my expectations were, and I wasn't. I was turning this positive experience into a negative feeling all around.

So, I had to look into myself and find stores of patience that I did not know existed and voice myself more clearly and kindly. I had to ask for the help, not demand it. And I had to realize that this was not just a big change for me, but for the whole family as well.

I have realized that I truly am the centre of this family. If I am frazzled-everyone is. If I am calm, they all follow my lead.

It's by no means perfect-that is an unattainable goal, but it is getting better. I know there are many challenges ahead, but I am stronger than ever so I know I can handle them-one step at a time.

Now, all being well, I plan to post again tomorrow to maybe let you know HOW  I am doing this-so stay tuned!!

Thanks for checking in and I will end with a quote I found the other day-and LOVE it :) Keep taking those step!!

‎"If I'm loved and love, it is not possible to fail. Legacy is not written in achievements or accolades, it's written in those we love. That's all we take with us and all we leave behind. We are not alone and faith and friendship are the ultimate "Why not?" They can power anything."
Debs Gardner-Paterson, Director 'Africa United'

Jodi