Okay-so this is why I don't have a blog!!!

Seriously, where has the time gone???

The Biggest Loser is in the home stretch and we have 4 weeks left-phew!! What a journey this has been. Officially, I have now lost 21 lbs in about 9 weeks-which puts me at almost 11% and currently in the lead-though believe me, I do have competition.

Since I started, I have gone through so many phases-many of which have not been great and at the time I was feeling so vulnerable I was not comfortable talking-hence the silence :)

Physically and weight-wise the whole experience has been nothing but positive-I have lost weight every week. With the exception of the first weigh in, I have lost 2 lbs/week-even through the holidays and THAT feels so good!

Emotionally, it has been quite a roller-coaster. I am finally finding myself again-because this really is who I am. But I didn't expect every emotion to be so raw. I cry at commercials-something which hasn't happened in years and years. I think being on anti-depressants for so long all of my feelings were buried so deep they were inaccessible. And now they seem to always be on the surface, waiting for me.

Around the 2 week mark, it was anger that was always there waiting for me. I was angry at my kids, my husband-everyone. No one was living up to my expectations of what I thought they should be doing for me-and for themselves. Then I realized-I had to let them know what I needed, what my expectations were, and I wasn't. I was turning this positive experience into a negative feeling all around.

So, I had to look into myself and find stores of patience that I did not know existed and voice myself more clearly and kindly. I had to ask for the help, not demand it. And I had to realize that this was not just a big change for me, but for the whole family as well.

I have realized that I truly am the centre of this family. If I am frazzled-everyone is. If I am calm, they all follow my lead.

It's by no means perfect-that is an unattainable goal, but it is getting better. I know there are many challenges ahead, but I am stronger than ever so I know I can handle them-one step at a time.

Now, all being well, I plan to post again tomorrow to maybe let you know HOW  I am doing this-so stay tuned!!

Thanks for checking in and I will end with a quote I found the other day-and LOVE it :) Keep taking those step!!

‎"If I'm loved and love, it is not possible to fail. Legacy is not written in achievements or accolades, it's written in those we love. That's all we take with us and all we leave behind. We are not alone and faith and friendship are the ultimate "Why not?" They can power anything."
Debs Gardner-Paterson, Director 'Africa United'

Jodi